This afternoon, as I was driving away from work, I glanced up in the rear view mirror because one of my eyelashes was really bugging me. I almost drove off the road because I suddenly realized that it was not in fact my eyelash that had been bothering me ALL DAY, but a giant rogue eyebrow hair. A freakishly long, thick and gray eyebrow hair that stretched from my eyebrow all the way down to my eyelash. Great. Everyone has been staring at my eyebrow hair all day.
For the next few minutes I tried to paste said eyebrow hair down to the rest in the rear view mirror with spit...didn't work, hand sanitizer...also didn't work...and finally, I'm brilliant!, chapstick, which did the trick. I knew that if I took the pluck approach while driving, I'd be writing a $500 check for my deductible, so chapstick seemed like a better fix for the time being while I drove to the store.
When I got home I forgot about the eyebrow hair and took the dog for a leisurely walk, talked to a few neighbors (more staring), and cleaned a bathroom. Suddenly, while cleaning the mirror above my sink I realized that I needed to take care of the situation and do a little trimming and cut the tarantula leg coming out of my forehead off.
Picture this in slow motion...I know Bubba is about to be home at any moment...I reach for the scissors, think better of only a scissor approach and also grab a comb to do a little brow styling like I'm Vidal Sasson? Anyway I grab a comb and a pair of scissors and comb my brow up, protecting it with the comb and close the scissors around the giant (yikes) clump of eyebrow hair. The bus comes rumbling down the street and I move the scissors and comb away all at the same moment to reveal that I have just cut off my right eyebrow. Off. Stubble.
I tried to take a picture of my eyebrow to show you my faux pax, but was so shocked by the 'more salt than pepper' hairs on the top of my head that I couldn't focus on the eyebrows anymore. All I have to say is why hasn't anyone told me that I have a GIANT eyebrow and grey hair! Clinton! Stacey! Pick me! Maybe if I color my hair tonight it will distract everyone from my missing eyebrows. Yes, brows, they had to be symmetrical silly.
Tonight is Hannah's band concert. And yes, I went to the library to get my mandatory book on tape so I won't be a bad mother. At least it is dark in that nasty auditorium.