Saturday, July 30, 2011


Have you ever taken a picture of your child, looked at it and had a glimpse into the future?  I took these pictures of Bubba last week while we were visiting a petting zoo with friends, and it was like looking at grown up Bubba.  His face is changing.  Bubba's birthday is only a few short weeks away, and sixth grade will be starting soon.  Sniff.  Sniff.

Dear Thirteen,

Dear Thirteen,

If I did not love you so much, I would disown you.  

Should I stop there?  Or continue?  

Thank you so much for your constant sass, your eye rolls, your cutting remarks, your continual negative spewing and your disrespect.  Why is it that you are trying to get under my skin one minute, then, poof, you are a mature loving being the next?  How do I survive you and your friends (years to come) without letting you under my skin?

Thank you, too, for my new favorite thirteen behavior.  Entitlement.  Your words to not profess entitlement, but your thinking and opinions do and it makes me bite back the age old sayings on the tip of my tongue such as  "There are too many people in this world without food on the table..."  "Most people in this world don't live in fancy houses like ours..."

Sweetheart, we love you.  I would do anything for you.  But stop acting your age!

Love and hugs,


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Zero to Sixty

My gorgeous girl went and got her haircut and grew up.  Did I tell you that she has a boyfriend?  Or should I say had.  Bryce has been a fixture at our house all summer.  We, David and I, made a point of inviting him over a few times a week, meeting his parents, spending time with him.  David made a joke the other day that we couldn't move anywhere, because we would loose Bryce.   He was over just last week for dinner, and we went and saw Harry Potter with him last Friday.

Last night Hannah walked out of the house around 8 pm and said "I'm going outside."  Instantly I knew that she had been texting with our new neighbor (just met them last weekend) and she was going outside to meet him and his cousin from Kansas that was visiting.  Around 10:30 I texted Hannah and asked her to please come inside (I had been peeking out the window and knew she was in the yard talking to these boys).  Hannah was covered in 34 bug bites (love is cruel), smelled like Axe, and she came inside giving me attitude (and I quote "What?").

Excuse me?  I started asking questions, because I am an involved parent, not a busy body and apparently Hannah decided she liked this other kid who lives 14 hours away and broke up with Bryce.  What?

All day today I asked Hannah if I could text Bryce, and I made comments to Hannah on how much I was going to miss him and that she was crazy to break up with him.  Hannah declared it would be creepy if I invited him over and continued to spend time with him.  Duh.  But it's like we ALL broke up with him.  I'm involved with his family.  His Mom and I have been doing stuff together.  We all spent time together!  When I texted David to tell him that Hannah broke up with Bryce, he too said he was sad, would miss him and wanted to know what was up with Hannah.

This was Hannah's first real boyfriend.  I was kind of thinking that it would be a fairytale romance and Hannah and Bryce would meet at 13 and fall in love and get married 15 years later after a long celibate courtship.  Am I being unreasonable?

Dear Construction Crew,

Dear Construction Crew,

Thank you so much for waking me up at 6:30 this morning and ruining my gorgeous tomatoes.  Weeks ago when I planted these beauties, I thought to myself, I should water them, nurture them, and stake them so you could squash them in a matter of minutes.

Today when you woke me up with the doorbell an hour before I was told you would arrive we may have gotten off on the wrong foot.  I understand that it is freaking hot.  I understand that you were trying to beat the heat.  I really didn't care when you arrived, as long as I had time to cover my plants, cover my air conditioner so it didn't get scratched, and put my car out into the street.  There was no time to prepare, and I consequently was a very crabby beheaded zombie.

When your foreman didn't answer his phone when I called to complain, because he was still sleeping?  That was so fun!  Thank you.  I kept telling myself, tons of people don't even have roofs, or homes.  I kept chanting Katrina.  Joplin.  Knoxville.  My construction woes then seemed like nothing.

I'm so glad I took these photos a few days ago, so I can remember what once was.  Pictures are better than real tomatoes.  Right?  There is always next year.

Sweet Cherry Tomato Kisses,


Sunday, July 17, 2011

Dear Young Mommy Me,

Dear Young Mommy Me,

Today as I jogged down the street I passed the cutest little Cozy Coupe sitting on the esplanade with a "free" sign taped to the front bumper.  As I ran past I made note of the driveway so I could swing past the driveway later in my car to pick up the loot.  But...who would use the brightly colored plastic car?  I racked my brain.  My kids are too big.  EVERYONE's kids I know are too big.  Even my nephew's son, my GREAT NEPHEW, is too big to drive the toy car.

I am officially not a young mother anymore.  My kids are entering high school and middle school this Fall.  Gone are the days of Cozy Coupes.  Gone are babysitters, gone are car seats, gone are night lights (okay, maybe not that one), and gone are strollers.  I am growing up, and so are my kids.

I had to run past the car, leave it behind for some younger version of myself.


Friday, July 15, 2011

Dear Movie Mommy,

Dear Movie Mommy,

Thank you so much for being complete idiots.  We are not going to sugar coat it here, but why in the HELL would you bring your three children under the age of 5 to the (wonderful by the way) PG-13 Harry Potter finale?  No kidding.  THREE children under FIVE.  You, my friend, are an idiot.  As well as a horrible whisperer and an awful "shussher."

A. Hire a babysitter.  Spend the money you spent on their movie tickets and hire someone. They would rather sit on the floor and play blocks or go to the park, than sit quietly through a mature movie.
B. Those kids don't know who Harry Potter is, and are well under the age of 13.
C. You kids would have rather seen the Winnie the Pooh movie.  Take one for the team and do something for your kids.
D. I doubt you kids haven't seen the previous Harry Potter movies.
E.  Those important points of dialogue that we (your fellow movie goers) are interested in happens when YOUR kids were the loudest.  And whiniest.

Yes, my date for the movie was 10, well under the recommended age of 13, but he HAS seen all of the other Harry Potter movies AND read all of the books.  AND, by the way, he has previously won a Barnes and Noble Harry Potter costume contest.  So there.

The incident today has posed the young is too young for intense movies like Harry Potter?  Let's look back a few years to 2007.  The Pirates of the Caribbean At World's End movie was just coming (then 7 year old) had seen all the previous Pirates movies on DVD, and my extended family was together (Sam is the youngest of all his cousins) and all wanted to see the new Pirates movie.  David and I went back and forth.  Sam begged.  What to do?

David and I told Sam that he could go.  We did also mention to him that we reserved the right to take him out or cover his eyes (without protest) AND we sat on either side of him in the theater, in the middle of the cluster of our group of 16...overprotective?  Maybe.  But did we think it through?  Yes.  

I digress.  Back to the thank you note...Movie Mommy?  Besides wrecking the experience for the rest of the theater, could you PLEASE stop your mouth breathing and consider listening to the needs of your children?  You kids are babies and you should not expect them act interested in your stuff.  



Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Dear Time Warner Cable,

Dear Time Warner,

Thank you so much for taking your sweet time to restore my cable, internet and telephone services after Monday's tiny storm.  I understand that I am a big baby.  I know that I should be thankful for power, indoor plumbing, my gas stove, etc...but come on!  Three days with no internet?  I could do without telephone or cable t.v., but internet?  It was torture.  

Sure, some of my neighbors had trees in their driveways, but 3 days to restore service?

I know that I would never make it on the PBS hit Pioneer House, but please don't judge me for my addiction to my computer and all the pleasure it provides me.  No, not in a creepy way.  Get your head out of the toilet.  I'm talking about hulu, blogs, e-mail, etc.  Not porn.

Then, Time Warner, after denying me my vice, you were highly unhelpful on the phone.  Your customer service rep "Ronnie" left me wanting to talk to someone with a brain.  Or a personality.  Something.

I am strongly considering cutting ties Time Warner.  Strongly considering.  But first, I need to find a new ISP.

Hugs and not so creepy kisses,


Saturday, July 9, 2011

Dear Flea Market,

Dear Flea Market,

It has been too long.  After years of absence, we finally meet again today.  This morning I surprised my husband and kids with a day spent together with you.  And you came through.  You delivered tons of entertainment.  

Your booths and booths of wares.  We reminisced over your Fisher Price toys, we laughed over your Jean Lu Picard commemorative plates, we drooled over your gorgeous leaded glass windows, and your hand tools.  

You provided just the right amount of sun for our slathered up sunscreened bodies.  Your breeze was amazing.

We people watched your oddly dressed, rednecked, tattooed customers.  Your crazy people with their wares.  Then we ate and ate.  Your crazy good chuck roast sandwich roasted for 12 hours and slathered in grilled onions.  Your BLT, your hamburger,  your ice cream, your hand cut french fries.

You are a good friend flea market.  I have missed you.

Hugs and sweaty kisses,


Thursday, July 7, 2011

Dear People of Oblivion,

Dear People of Oblivion,

I met your Queen yesterday at the grocery store.  Thank you so much for introducing me to your royalty.  While in the local Meijer (best produce ANYWHERE) I was traveling through the frozen food aisle when I happened on your Queen and her daughter.  I tried to get down the aisle, but your Queen had not only one, but two carts blocking the aisle, and had left her 7 year old girl standing with them, IN THE CENTER OF THE AISLE.  Have I mentioned that?

Your Queen was SO freaking intent on getting all the Banquet Frozen Salisbury Steak meals she could stuff in one of her carts, that I stood there and waited.  And said excuse me.  And had to endure the daughter's stares while I waited.  Weird, should be in a scary movie, little girl exorcist stares.  Seriously.  I did not want her mother to reach around to put her arms loads of red boxes in the cart and slam into me, who knows why, maybe that would have snapped her out of her coma, but I finally I plow my way past the creepy little girl and your cartS.  I was beginning to think I was a horrible wicked person and your Queen may be hearing impaired, but that was not the case. 

We were subjected to your Queen a few more times as we made our way through the store, but the Pièce de résistance was when your Queen walked up to the self checkout lane with both carts and took forever to check herself out while the masses waited for her.
Sorry, I forgot to curtsy. Hopefully there won't be a next time. 
Hugs and frozen kisses,