Monday, January 30, 2012

I Humbly Bow

My friend Jennifer and I have both been lauded, I mean accused, for our customer service complaining abilities.  At one point in our friendship, after one of us was wronged, the two of us toyed with the idea of starting our own company that would "stand up for the little guy" and serve the community as a complaint service.  You were wronged by Time Warner Cable (who hasn't been), we'll call them and rip them a new one for you!

Sadly, neither Jennifer or I saw a future in complaining and the great business idea hatched that day over the phone never materialized.

All this being said to tell you (and Jennifer) that I now humbly bow to David Thorne.  If you've never heard of David Thorne, neither had I until a friend of my brother's got me addicted to his blog 27b/6.

David Thorne is a genius.  And an Australian genius too! Woot!  David is a graphic artist.  When David was wronged by a ski shop selling him very expensive gloves that failed, and the HORRIBLE customer service from the dorks behind the counter, what did he do?  He took out a FULL PAGE AD for free snowboards at said ski shop.  They had 5000 calls!

Just to be David, and push the envelope, David tormented a workmate to the point that the workmate filled out 12 formal have got to read these complaints and see David's stunts!  And nothing/no hearing or action was taken against David and his antics.

I have laughed my way through David's Thorne's site, and have stayed sane in all my madness because he is such an idiot!  Go check it out!

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Dear New Neighbor,

Dear New Neighbor,

I turned into my driveway the other day and I noticed that you had a BIG piece of plywood nailed to your roof with a "Have a Heart" trap attached to it.  And not just any trap, a trap that would fit a small pony, or jaguar.  You having critter problems new neighbor?  

Let me remind you, in a neighborly fashion of coarse, that we live in a populous city, in Ohio, NOT at the foothills of a mountain where cougars and bears live.  For the life of me, I can't guess what you are trying to catch, since the only non-domestic animals I have seen around these parts are the bunny that ate my garden and the squirrels and chipmunks that confuse my dog and make her think that our sugar gliders should live outside the house, not inside.

So imagine my surprise when I get a text from David to take my camera outside and go see why the Orkin people (no payment was accepted by Orkin for this ad) where pulling up to your house.  I run outside, with camera-we don't own binoculars-, and start shooting.  This is what I get....

You called the Orkin men out for a squirrel?  Which leads me to much are you paying for squirrel removal AND did you recently move from a biosphere?  THERE ARE MORE SQUIRRELS.  YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP CATCHING SQUIRRELS.  

You, new neighbor, have provided my family with a new game.  Each day, multiple times a day, as we pull into our driveway, we look up, examine the cage, and see what you've caught.  It is our new entertainment!  Better than Angry Birds!

But, neighbor, please be patient when you see me hucking peanut butter filled pinecones up on your roof if and when you leave those helpless animals on your roof for any length of time.  



Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Great Idea...Pass It On

This site gives kudos to Richard Phibbs, accomplished photographer.
Apparently Richard donates his time to
photograph animals in shelters so they are adopted quicker.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Invasion of Privacy

Do you think that hiding a phone that is on and in "speaker phone mode" in your pocket and holding a conversation with an unsuspecting 3rd party is an invasion of privacy?  I do.

Can you say that I am pissed?  I am innocently talking to my daughter, asking her about her boyfriend and their plans on Friday, when I blurt out to my daughter that I need to poop.  Yes, we are family.  Yes, we discuss these things.  I REALLY needed to use the bathroom.  Hannah bursts into a fit of giggles and points to her phone in the pocket of her hoodie and mouths "It's on and Tony just heard you."

Where would you like me to start this lecture, Hannah?

Monday, January 16, 2012

A Bag of Kittens

Funny story.  We are standing in the foyer of the movie theater waiting for David and Hannah's new boyfriend Tony.  "We" being me, Hannah, Bubba, Hannah's BFF Morgan, and Morgan's boyfriend Alex.  

We are standing in the foyer waiting and a very interesting man approaches me.  This is Ohio.  Remember?  Not Seattle.  Not New York or Chicago.  An older (60's?) man with a shaved head wearing a wool pea coat, vibrant green infinity scarf (not unlike my own), circular Harry Potter black spectacles and some expensive cologne approaches me and touches my arm.  I turn to let him past, and he grabs my arm a little tighter.  He says, "God!  Did you drown all your ugly babies?  You know, like kittens in a bag?  Because your children are GORGEOUS.  Gorgeous!"

I laughed and said I had and thanked him, because I thought his joke was humorous, as all the teens and Bubba looked at the strange man and stared.   My four children stared.

Friday, January 13, 2012

5 Cans Short of a Six-Pack

My mother just called me.

The whole conversation lasted 45 seconds.  She didn't even say hello.  I answered the phone and the first (interrupting) words out of her mouth were, "Is it snowing?  Are you snowed in?"

I answered yes, because I live in Ohio and it would be weird if it wasn't snowing in mid-January, to which she said, "Oh, okay.  What are you doing this weekend?...Oh, okay...(I didn't answer)...Bye."

This is only the 6th or 7th clue that my mother is now the conductor of the crazy train.  Last week's stalking phone calls and depressing e-mail asking me if I was sure if I should apply to grad school because I may not be able to handle it AND clean my house...and I'm afraid my siblings and I are going to be looking into dementia drug treatments soon.  I know I shouldn't be joking about this, many families do suffer from dementia, but my family already has it's demented.  We are covered.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


Again, huge fan of Samantha French.
Was it all that time in the pool?  Who knows.

Sorry for the silence over here.  Between daily workouts :) 
and grad school applications due on the 19th,
I have set the blog aside again.

See you soon!

Monday, January 9, 2012

Is This Normal?

In an effort to abide my resolutions, to which I am killing thankyouverymuch (except for the sugar thing, but I digress), I did a few exercises this evening.  

Hannah was hobbling the other day and told me about her new "workout."  When I use air quotes around work out because her workout is called "The Four Minute Workout."  Seriously? Four minutes?  I rolled my eyes.  But the kid was hobbling.  So I asked.

Hannah claims "The Four Minute Workout" is changing her body.  Changing?  She's 14.  How much is it going to change from perfect?  The workout includes 20 seconds of high stepping, 20 seconds of rest, 20 seconds of squat thrusts, 20 seconds of rest, 20 seconds of mountain climbers, 20 seconds of rest, then repeat for 4 minutes.

Back to tonight.  I worked out this morning, and I thought, I'll "do" Hannah's workout tonight just for kicks and grins.  So I start up.  20 seconds of high steps really fast.  Move on to 20 seconds of squat thrusts...and... I'm done.  I lasted 40 seconds of a 4 minute workout.  40 seconds!

So I'm lying on the bed, recovering from my 40 second exertion, surfing the net when I  realize that I'm, how shall I say this?  Lying in a puddle.  Apparently squat thrusts take a toll on your ability to contain your urine?  Who knew?

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Dear Driver,

Dear Driver,

Thank you so much for your generosity to others, you really are a gem.  You are so kind to completely stop entire lines of traffic and let oncoming traffic make left turns in front of you because you cannot seem to recall the rules of the road, even though you only took your initial drivers exam only a few years ago.

Why is it that people seem so inept at relating to other humans, but put them behind the wheel of a car and some of them turn into over accommodating, stop traffic, psychos that forget all rules and right of ways of the roads?

Hugs and impatient kisses,

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Graduate School???

I went back to work today, and promptly decided that I should quit and go to Grad School.   When I arrived home and started my Google searches regarding degree, I discovered that A. I haven't taken the GRE!, 2. I have no current portfolio and Three.  I have no letters of recommendation.  Oi.  Doesn't look like I'm quitting anytime soon.

The thought of the GRE!!! freaks me OUT!  I understand that it includes some sort of Algebra, and that really freaks me out!  At first, the thought of the portfolio really made me crazy, then I decided that it sounded really fun.  So I'm going to start brainstorming on that and stop thinking about the GRE for a minute.

What should I be when I grow up?

Day Three

Yes, I was creative today.
I did one of the countless tutorials from my Pintrest board

It's a purse/camera bag.  I like it!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Day Two

First snow.
Hours and hours of fun outside building the world's
smallest sled run.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Day One

This one doesn't count, because I took it yesterday...
but how do you like my Chia?

Here it is.  The first day of the year and I have procrastinated ALL DAY
and haven't taken my photo for the day.
Hence, Bubba giving me the "WTH? Mom.  It's 10 p.m." look.

Notice the hint of green above his left eye?
His pre-Christmas injury just now starting to fade.
The last day of school I got a phone call at work at 2:30.  School would be out at
3:30 and Bubba was in the nurses office with a "head injury."
I needed to come to the office and pick him up because they wouldn't put him on the bus.
Maybe next time we shouldn't sword fight with candy canes son.