This morning I had to take Bubba to school. He needed to take his Stonehenge project to school and Bubba could not (we didn't trust him to) carry his backpack, lunch bag, and project on the bus. I offered to take him on my way to work, but Bubba normally catches the bus at 7:15 and I leave the house for work at 7:45, so he was ready early and sitting impatiently tapping his feet.
Frustrated that he was jumpy, I set him to the task of emptying the trash cans in the house and taking the trash out to the curb. A few minutes later he came back downstairs and shyly sat at my elbow until I gave him my full attention.
Bubba: I can't do the trash in our bathroom.
Me: Sure you can. Go take care of it so we can get going.
Bubba: The trash is overflowing and I don't want to touch it.
Me: You put too much trash in, go take care of it.
Bubba: But it's got....you know.
Me: We've gotta get going. Come on, go get it so we can take it to the curb.
Bubba: Nooooo. It's got...lady convenience products in it. I don't want to take it out. Make Hannah.
Me: (Giggling) Where did you get that phrase? And, no it doesn't. Be a man. Go empty the trash. Come on. (I push Bubba back up the stairs so we can depart.)
Bubba: (Weeping, gnashing of teeth. Crocodile tears.) I don't want toooooo. It has lady convenience products.
Me: (Laughing out loud) Will you stop saying that! I am serious. It is not going to kill you. Go get the trash.
Bubba: (More tears) Aaaaaa. Ewwwwww. I can't do it. LADY CONVENIENCE PRODUCTS. LADY CONVENIENCE PRODUCTS!!!!
Me: Listen. I am teaching you how to be a man. Your future girlfriends, wife, friends will all think highly of you. Man up. Empty the trash. Stop bitching about it. NOW.
Bubba empties the trash and goes into the kitchen, pulls out the dish detergent, and scrubs his hands with the hottest water he can find, Silkwood style.
Me: I'm glad you washed your hands after you took out the trash. By the way, those weren't "lady convenience products" dingdong. Those were the cotton circles Hannah uses to wash her face.
Unrelated picture of Bubba sledding.