I walked into the library today and had a bit of a flashback. A traumatic flashback.
Let me pause the story right here to tell you that I don't give anyone my full given married name except on forms. Who would? Frankly it is none of anyone's business, and I would not want to give any of you internet stalkers the chance to uber stalk me. So for the story's sake let's just say the full name on my social security card is Cara Jane Doe Whatever.
Back to the library. Today I walked in, tucked my head down and ran to pick up my reserved items, and ran out. What causes this reaction? A few months ago I was at the library with my whole fam damily. I had convinced my parents (who were mid-six week visit at the time) and my kids to get out of the house and go in search of books, videos, etc. Basically we were grasping at straws because I was loosing it with this much family togetherness. We walked in the door, the kids deposited the books and videos we were returning on the return desk, and split up to head off to our respective sections.
I was in the back 40 of the library showing my Mom the Inspirational fiction section, when over the loudspeaker (who knew libraries had loudspeakers?) the librarian yells (the loudspeaker is so rarely used she doesn't understand the concept of amplification) ATTENTION PLEASE! ATTENTION PLEASE! WILL CARA JANE DOE WHATEVER PLEASE REPORT TO THE FRONT DESK IMMEDIATELY. WILL CARA JANE DOE WHATEVER PLEASE REPORT TO THE FRONT DESK IMMEDIATELY. CARA...JANE...DOE...WHATEVER. CARA.........JANE.........DOE.........WHATEVER.
Imagine my horror. The library was quiet, it was a library after all, and I looked at my Mom, eyes wide and we both started giggling.
As I am walking up the main aisle, red faced, making the walk of shame, my eldest (ever the comedian) walks toward me from the teen section and loudly whispers, "ooohhh, Mom's in trouuuuble." All eyes turn toward me.
My Dad, walking over to see what is happening, forgets he is in a library and asks loudly why they are calling my name.
Bubba, emerging from the kid's section stage whispers, "Mom! Mom! You going to the front desk?"
The loudspeaker rings out again..."CARA JANE DOE WHATEVER...PLEASE COME TO THE FRONT DESK. CARA...JANE...DOE...WHATEVER..."
Seriously? It has been 30 seconds since you last interrupted EVERYONE at the library and called out my name.
I finally get to the front desk and tell the librarian who I am and she smiles and hands me a stack of books. It seems that when we went to return our library books some non-library books got into the stack. Books that I had borrowed from my friend Holly. The librarian just wanted to make sure I got my books back.
I understand that the librarian was doing me a big favor, but a loudspeaker? In a freaking library? Sure I hear the greeting Mrs. Whatever everyday at work (which is a tad weird and I am finally not turning around looking for my mother-in-law when I hear the greeting), or since there are two Cara's at work a co-worker may refer to me as Cara Whatever, but how often do you hear your full given married name? Over a loudspeaker?