Boyfriend

Hannah has a boyfriend.  No, not the very cute and popular by parents, Bryce, that she dated and dumped last year, but a new one.  


Tony.


Did that come out wrong?  Did you hear the disgust or irritation in my voice?  


Tony is fine.  Tony is nice.  I get along with Tony.  He's at our house ALL THE FREAKING TIME, which is fine.  Sort of.  If you describe Tony to anyone the words "white man's 'fro" are inevitably included and EVERYONE recognizes who you are describing out of the thousands of kids at Hannah's high school.  You know, Tony?  White man's 'fro?  He looks like a Q-tip?  Tall, skinny...white man's 'fro?  Ahhh...recognition.  I actually don't mind Tony's hair, but it's strange that EVERYONE describes him by it.  Once Hannah straightened it with a flat iron and it was really weird, but oh well.


Tony and Hannah kiss.  THIS is why I am disgusted.  Suddenly I feel like the Warden because I have to make sure that where ever they are in my house, they are not kissing.  They sit together and watch movies and I have to be in the room because I start freaking out about how he's holding her hand or what's going to happen next.  The two of them go up to her bedroom and I start pacing. Paranoid.  Yup.


Hannah is in luv.  Barf.  Some dude has his mouth on my girl.  Barf.  The topics of safe sex and abstinence are mentioned weekly, if not more often.


My little girl is growing up.  Sniff.  Sniff.  

Invasion of Privacy

Do you think that hiding a phone that is on and in "speaker phone mode" in your pocket and holding a conversation with an unsuspecting 3rd party is an invasion of privacy?  I do.


Can you say that I am pissed?  I am innocently talking to my daughter, asking her about her boyfriend and their plans on Friday, when I blurt out to my daughter that I need to poop.  Yes, we are family.  Yes, we discuss these things.  I REALLY needed to use the bathroom.  Hannah bursts into a fit of giggles and points to her phone in the pocket of her hoodie and mouths "It's on and Tony just heard you."


Where would you like me to start this lecture, Hannah?

Mommy Throws A Fit

I threw a fit tonight.  A real whopper.


Tonight is Homecoming.  Hannah's FIRST dance, her first dance as a high school student.  We've spent hours every weekend shopping for "the" dress, shoes and accessories.  We've been working on this for weeks.  Weeks!


This afternoon we decided that Hannah needed a sweater or a jacket for her ensemble.  Her dress is pretty strappy up top, and we had a cold front move in last night.  This is the first night we will have used the furnace all season.  We both agreed she was going to freeze and should have something pretty to wear over her dress.


The plans were for Hannah to meet at a friends house at 6 p.m., then the parents would each drive a leg of the "to dinner", "to pictures," "to the dance," "home from the dance" evening.  The kids would text us parents as they needed rides.


About 3:30 I ran out to Macy's to grab Hannah a black bolo sweater, then on to Kroger to grab a bottle of fingernail polish remover so she could re-do her nails.  While at Kroger I bought a few groceries, because I'm just like that.  I was rushed, and a little frenzied, but I was finished and on my way home by 4:45, so I could help Hannah get ready.


About 4:46 my daughter texted me and told me she was heading over to her friends house.  Uh, what?  You weren't supposed to be going over until 6 p.m.  I call her and get a half distracted conversation, since she wasn't paying attention to me but yelling at her brother.


At 4:50 I get home to a full dressed and made up girl walking out the door and start FREAKING OUT.  Why?  Uh, why did this friend change the meeting time from 6 to 5?  At the last minute?  Why had I just spent the last hour running errands for Hannah?  She didn't need a sweater?  She didn't need fingernail polish remover?  I had JUST WASTED MY TIME.


And now, I was being denied the pleasure of "helping" her get ready...take pictures...because she didn't need me, and I needed to put my groceries away.  I had missed everything because she sent me on her errands.  I WENT OFF.


Cue poor behavior.  Cue swearing.  Cue slamming of doors.


Hannah left.  I walked upstairs to find the disaster of the century in her bathroom. 


More bad behavior and swearing.


And now, I am sitting here mad at myself and upset I am such a juvenile, fit throwing weenie, while Hannah is at her first dance.  Not texting me.


I hope the other parents, who did drive legs of the evening, got some good pictures.

Zero to Sixty

My gorgeous girl went and got her haircut and grew up.  Did I tell you that she has a boyfriend?  Or should I say had.  Bryce has been a fixture at our house all summer.  We, David and I, made a point of inviting him over a few times a week, meeting his parents, spending time with him.  David made a joke the other day that we couldn't move anywhere, because we would loose Bryce.   He was over just last week for dinner, and we went and saw Harry Potter with him last Friday.

Last night Hannah walked out of the house around 8 pm and said "I'm going outside."  Instantly I knew that she had been texting with our new neighbor (just met them last weekend) and she was going outside to meet him and his cousin from Kansas that was visiting.  Around 10:30 I texted Hannah and asked her to please come inside (I had been peeking out the window and knew she was in the yard talking to these boys).  Hannah was covered in 34 bug bites (love is cruel), smelled like Axe, and she came inside giving me attitude (and I quote "What?").

Excuse me?  I started asking questions, because I am an involved parent, not a busy body and apparently Hannah decided she liked this other kid who lives 14 hours away and broke up with Bryce.  What?

All day today I asked Hannah if I could text Bryce, and I made comments to Hannah on how much I was going to miss him and that she was crazy to break up with him.  Hannah declared it would be creepy if I invited him over and continued to spend time with him.  Duh.  But it's like we ALL broke up with him.  I'm involved with his family.  His Mom and I have been doing stuff together.  We all spent time together!  When I texted David to tell him that Hannah broke up with Bryce, he too said he was sad, would miss him and wanted to know what was up with Hannah.

This was Hannah's first real boyfriend.  I was kind of thinking that it would be a fairytale romance and Hannah and Bryce would meet at 13 and fall in love and get married 15 years later after a long celibate courtship.  Am I being unreasonable?

Incredible Hulk

The weather turned nice (65 degrees) and rainy, so shorts and capris are on Hannah's agenda.  Yesterday Hannah came downstairs in last years jean capri's and it was a bad episode of the Incredible Hulk.  She was POURED into those poor pants.  They could not have been comfortable.  We were going to have to cut them off.

You have to understand that we haven't bought clothes up until now, since my niece has always given Hannah her beautiful hand me downs.  Well, my niece is 18, a senior in high school, and at 5'3" a size 0.  Hannah has now surpassed her cousin.

I've been  keeping my eye open for spring sales, but with Hannah's crazy growth spurts I wanted to buy myself some time.  So today I went to the Goodwill.  I strolled the ladies jean and pant aisles and narrowed it down to 6 pairs of jeans and pants with labels like Gap, Aeropostale, American Eagle and Wet Seal in Hannah's sizes.  Tiny, skinny people (size 1 and 2) must not shop at Goodwill, that's all I've got to say.  There was a plethora of tiny name brand pants.  I went with the big name labels because they were there and the same price ($4) as the non-big names.

I brought the pants home, washed them, and had Hannah try them on.  She marked the length, varying each pair a little, and I cut them all off into shorts and capris.  Here are a few of the done pairs.

What do I do with all the unused pant legs?  A quilt maybe?  For $25.00 (with tax) Hannah has 6 new pairs of shorts!  Woot!  Does this mean that I can go spend some clothes money on myself?

Best Two Out of Three

Remember how I was making progress towards NOT becoming my mother?  Well, I took a huge step backward today.

We had ANOTHER snow day today and Hannah invited Mo, T and J (her other best girlfriend) over today to hang out.  Our house was chosen because it was the only house occupied by a parent, thirteen year olds aren't allowed to cook at home without a parent and it was suspiciously close to lunch time.  The kids disappeared into Hannah's room as soon as they arrived, which was fine by me, and I went to my studio (basement grotto) and started cleaning, painting and finishing up some projects strewn about.

After eating copious amounts of food the four teens descended into the basement to play pingpong.  The pingpong table is roughly two feet away from my studio through a two by four stud "wall" that has zero wallboard attached.   I could have played with them.  Bubba came down in tow, playing the part of the pesky little brother and put on a pair of roller-skates to pass the time on the cement floor.  Not two minutes later Bubba hit his head on the weight bench and fell flat on his back on the floor only to be ridiculed by the teens.  I took him upstairs, and out of sight, to calm down and  regroup.

When I arrived back downstairs, 10 minutes later, this is what I find:

I take Hannah back upstairs, away from her friends, and ask her what in the hell happened.  Hannah claims that someone (pretty sure it was Mo) kicked a ball (totally permissible in the basement) and it hit the insulation, knocking it down.   Let me interject to say that this insulation is stapled to the beam every half inch.  

HERE IS WHERE I TURN IN MY PARENTS.  I start into my rant:  if you want to have friends over, you need to make sure they are acting appropriately in our house...I have better things to do than to spend my time and money on repairing this mess...did you come and tell me right away that this happened, no...just wait until your father gets home...sure, tease your brother so I pick up the pieces of his shattered little heart...I sounded EXACTLY like my mother.

My 'cool mom,' let's go hang out at Hannah's house stock just dropped about 10 points.  Parenting: two steps forward, one step back.

Sucker Punch

13 has gone and sucker punched me in the gut.  Hannah has been thirteen for less than 3 months and I'm afraid I am only dipping my toe in the pool.  My sweet girl.  She's a given me troubles.  She is fencing me out.

It is obvious Hannah is lying to us about her relationship with T.  We have proof!  Meanwhile I am going out of my way to be the conversational, open and understanding.  

Today was the start of the "I'm smarter than you.  I am right and you are obviously wrong," eye roll, attitude and arguing.  Still, I'm trying to be open, honest and conversational.

Hyperventilating

Today the kids had an early dismissal because it was the end of the grading period.  Hannah was home playing wii when I asked her if she was going to invite friends over or if she had plans.  She said no because Mo was at basketball.

I saw the opportunity and took it (uncharacteristically) and asked what T was doing this afternoon.  Apparently she and T were texting each other (crap) and with my prompting (see? I'm not like my mother), she invited T over to play wii with her and he accepted.

T showed up at the door a few minutes later (did I tell you that T lives a few blocks away?  And, unrelated, we are installing bars on all our windows and doors?)  Bubba ran out to see who was at the door and he said to his friend, "Oh, it's my sister's boyfriend."

I started to hyperventilate.  So this is it? Do Hannah and T think this?  I regain my composure and smile and welcome T into the house and ask if he'd like a brownie.

Defining Moment

Do you wake up one day and realize you’ve become your mother?  Is it a gradual transition?

Today was a snow day.   For me, snow day=get things done day.   As my morning progressed I formed my plans for the day.   I emptied the file cabinet and organized the items needed for 2010 taxes, filed away 2010 utilities, etc.   I had a Doctor’s appointment at 1:30, so I started making plans revolving around that end of town:  I’ll return that sweater to that store since it’s around the corner, I’ll go to the DMV and fix my license plate, I need to go to the post office, the grocery store…you get the idea.

Around 11 a.m., after I have showered and readied myself for the day, Hannah approaches and asks if she can go sledding with Mo (her girlfriend) and T (the boy she wants to profess her love to).  I grant her permission, reminding her that she needs to be home by 1:00 to watch her brother so I can go to the Doctor…realizing her life sucks, but she’ll get over it.

After multiple texts with Mo, Hannah comes to the realization that there isn’t enough room in the car for everyone invited.   Insert me being selfish.  Insert me wanting to get all MY stuff done.  My child is 13 and growing up fast, I need to stop being selfish, do her a solid and take her and her friends sledding.  It is NOT ALL ABOUT ME. So I man up, scrap the morning plans, and offer to drive all of them, including Bubba, to the hill. 

(Let me interject that Hannah’s feet have not only grown out of her snow boots, but her snow pants were 6 inches too short.  She’s KILLIN me with her growth spurts.)

Mo and T show up at our house a few minutes later and Hannah introduces me to T, a very tall, lanky, fun, smiley, braced filled, boy.

 

Confident enough to talk to adults, great. 

Cute, bonus. 

Looks strangely like my husband as a youth, a little weird.

We chat it up and are all standing behind the car, putting sleds in the back hatch when the subject of socks comes up.   T pulls up his pant leg to show us his socks, when it dawns on me, HOLY MOTHER OF PEARL T has extremely hairy legs.  This child has gone through puberty. 

***You know in the movies when the main character has some sort of stunning flash sequence of images race through their mind?  I stood there for all of 10 seconds and hundreds of images flashed through my brain…Hannah dating.  Hannah driving.  Hannah at prom.  Hannah getting married.  Hannah having her first baby.*** 

This man-child in front of me, is Hannah’s first love interest.  THIS is the beginning.  This is the start of boyfriends, dating, heartbreak, etc.  I AM OLD.  When did I grow up?  Why do I have to be the adult? 

One o’clock rolls around, the kids finish sledding and I bring them back to our house.  The plan has always been for me to go to the doctor, and Mo and T to go home until I am done.  This is our RULE.  NO BOYS, or any friends for that matter, in the house when we (the parents) are gone.

Hannah asks if I can bend the rule and T can stay for a few minutes to “help her with her homework project.”  All the while I’m getting the HELP SISTAH OUT vibe going on from Hannah.

Do I act like my mother?  I am at a crossroads. 

I agree that T can stay, for a FEW minutes.  The kids go to the basement to take their wet clothes off and I call Hannah back upstairs, into the kitchen.   My defining moment.  HERE IS WHERE I CHOOSE NOT TO BE LIKE MY MOTHER.

My exact words to Hannah: “I am letting T stay to help you with your project.  I have asked you to let him stay for a short time frame.  There is to be no kissing.  You are not to have sex.  Do you understand me?” I tell myself I need to open the discussion and say the words out loud so we are all comfortable with them now.

Hannah looks at me and laughs, then makes the promise that she will not kiss or have sex.  I hobble out the door, confident with my girl and her choices.  I am ancient.

Make Good Choices!

I took Hannah to school this morning on my way to work.  She had asked for a ride a few days ago,

and had prepared to leave early with me so I could still make it to work on time.

Her lunch was packed.  Her hair was done (new thing).

It was all very smooth.

Until the conversation.

Me: Do you need a ride tomorrow morning?

Hannah: For what?

Me: Isn't there another Math test make up tomorrow morning?

Hannah: What test?

Me:  What are you doing this morning?

Hannah: A review session.

Me: Is there another tomorrow morning?

Hannah: Another what?

Me: Holy crap, Hannah.  What are we discussing?  The reason why you need to 

be at school early today.  Do you have to be at school early tomorrow?

Hannah:  For what?

Me: A MATH THING.

Hannah: I have a test tomorrow.

Me: Before school?  I swear, it's like we are playing Who's on First?

Hannah: What?

Me: No, what is on 3rd.

Hannah: I don't get it.

Me: Never mind.

Hannah: I need a ride tomorrow.

Me: Really?  This is exactly what we have been discussing. 

Hannah: I'll call you.

Me: After school?  You need to be picked up?

Hannah: Yes, mother.  Didn't you read the note I gave you?

Me: You gave me a note to read and sign.  That is exactly what I did. 

I read it.  I signed it.

Hannah: You're telling me you don't remember what the note said?

Me: Oh, you mean I am supposed to retain what I read?  No.  

Hannah: (eye roll, gives me the which one of us is the parent look) You're bad.

Me: If I retained the information from every slip of paper you and your brother bring home 

I would not have enough brain capacity to remember how to tie my shoes.

(We pull up to the front of the school.)

Hannah: (getting out) I can't believe you didn't retain the information from the note.

Me: Do you?  It seems like you're pretty confused about the note's information too.

Hannah closes the door and starts walking up to the building.

Me: (in shock that I did not get an I love you, or  even a bye, 

I roll down the window and shout) MAKE GOOD CHOICES!  

(one of our favorite lines from Freaky Friday, 2003)

Hannah laughs and smiles before walking into the building red faced.