Monday, January 4, 2010


My awesome friend Jennifer has been going thru some things lately. She lost a friend to cancer and is/has been really struggling with the grief and depression. The crappy thing is that in hindsight, I could see it coming. Over the last few weeks I have noticed a tone in her blogging. And you know what? I didn't do a dang thing about it. I didn't even send her a sympathy card!

Around 9.3 years ago we were the closest of close. I had a 3 year old and a newborn. I struggled with a bunch of crap after Bubba was born and a few months after he was born Jennifer told me she saw me struggling with depression and didn't know what to do. In hindsight, both of us realized it was postpartum and I snapped out of it on my own. Jennifer had always been my life line and helped pull me up by my bootstraps.

So look around at your friends. See if you notice anything different about them. Are the struggling? Reach out and see what is going on in their life!

My relationships and relations? My parents have been living at my house since Thanksgiving. My wonderful sister and her husband visited for a week after Christmas with their youngest (16!). We all drove down to my brother's house in Knoxville for a few days.

My parents. I'm going crazy and I my life is upside down. My utility bills are almost tripled, there are holes in my walls, my kitchen table has crazy black marks on it where my Dad touched it up, there are crazy things everywhere in my house. My husband is the one who keeps reminding me that this could be one of the last times they can visit, and talks me out of the confrontational psycho screaming I ache to start up with them.

My family. My husband made the comment that the 4 of us (our immediate family) never had a Christmas or a Christmas break together this year. We had Mom and Dad with us.

I am tired. I am thinking horrible thoughts. I am a horrible daughter.

1 comment:

Jennifer said...

You're back! Yay! So happy to hear from you. And STOP. Feeling guilty about what you did or didn't do for me. I am ok. For real. And STOP feeling guilty for having normal human emotions. Family is difficult. Having family around for weeks or months is really difficult. You are a great daughter, you are an awesome person. Hang in there and let's catch up on the phone soon. I love you!!!!