Dear New Neighbor,

Dear New Neighbor,


I turned into my driveway the other day and I noticed that you had a BIG piece of plywood nailed to your roof with a "Have a Heart" trap attached to it.  And not just any trap, a trap that would fit a small pony, or jaguar.  You having critter problems new neighbor?  


Let me remind you, in a neighborly fashion of coarse, that we live in a populous city, in Ohio, NOT at the foothills of a mountain where cougars and bears live.  For the life of me, I can't guess what you are trying to catch, since the only non-domestic animals I have seen around these parts are the bunny that ate my garden and the squirrels and chipmunks that confuse my dog and make her think that our sugar gliders should live outside the house, not inside.


So imagine my surprise when I get a text from David to take my camera outside and go see why the Orkin people (no payment was accepted by Orkin for this ad) where pulling up to your house.  I run outside, with camera-we don't own binoculars-, and start shooting.  This is what I get....

You called the Orkin men out for a squirrel?  Which leads me to ask...how much are you paying for squirrel removal AND did you recently move from a biosphere?  THERE ARE MORE SQUIRRELS.  YOU ARE GOING TO KEEP CATCHING SQUIRRELS.  

You, new neighbor, have provided my family with a new game.  Each day, multiple times a day, as we pull into our driveway, we look up, examine the cage, and see what you've caught.  It is our new entertainment!  Better than Angry Birds!

But, neighbor, please be patient when you see me hucking peanut butter filled pinecones up on your roof if and when you leave those helpless animals on your roof for any length of time.  

Sincerely,

Careless